Welcoming Denial: Wisdom from Five Decades of Creative Journey

Encountering rejection, particularly when it recurs often, is not a great feeling. A publisher is turning you down, giving a firm “No.” As a writer, I am no stranger to rejection. I began pitching articles five decades ago, just after college graduation. Since then, I have had two novels rejected, along with article pitches and many pieces. In the last two decades, focusing on op-eds, the refusals have only increased. On average, I face a setback every few days—amounting to more than 100 each year. In total, denials over my career exceed a thousand. By now, I could claim a PhD in handling no’s.

But, does this seem like a complaining outburst? Far from it. As, at last, at the age of 73, I have come to terms with being turned down.

In What Way Did I Achieve This?

Some context: By this stage, just about each individual and others has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never tracked my success rate—that would be quite demoralizing.

As an illustration: not long ago, an editor rejected 20 articles consecutively before saying yes to one. Back in 2016, over 50 publishing houses rejected my book idea before a single one gave the green light. A few years later, 25 agents declined a nonfiction book proposal. A particular editor requested that I send articles less frequently.

The Phases of Rejection

Starting out, every no hurt. I took them personally. It was not just my work was being turned down, but myself.

Right after a piece was turned down, I would go through the phases of denial:

• Initially, surprise. Why did this occur? How could they be blind to my skill?
• Next, denial. Certainly it’s the wrong person? It has to be an mistake.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do they know? Who made you to decide on my work? You’re stupid and the magazine is poor. I deny your no.
• Fourth, irritation at those who rejected me, then self-blame. Why do I put myself through this? Could I be a masochist?
• Subsequently, bargaining (often accompanied by optimism). What will it take you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, depression. I lack skill. Worse, I’ll never be successful.

I experienced this through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Notable Examples

Certainly, I was in excellent fellowship. Tales of writers whose manuscripts was originally rejected are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Almost every writer of repute was originally turned down. Since they did succeed despite no’s, then maybe I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his high school basketball team. Many American leaders over the past six decades had previously lost elections. The actor-writer estimates that his movie pitch and desire to star were turned down repeatedly. For him, denial as a wake-up call to wake me up and persevere, not backing down,” he remarked.

The Seventh Stage

Then, upon arriving at my senior age, I achieved the seventh stage of rejection. Understanding. Currently, I better understand the multiple factors why a publisher says no. To begin with, an editor may have recently run a like work, or be planning one in the pipeline, or be thinking about something along the same lines for someone else.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my submission is uninteresting. Or maybe the reader believes I don’t have the experience or reputation to fit the bill. Perhaps is no longer in the field for the work I am offering. Or was too distracted and read my work too quickly to see its quality.

Go ahead call it an awakening. Everything can be turned down, and for any reason, and there is almost not much you can do about it. Many explanations for rejection are forever not up to you.

Your Responsibility

Additional reasons are under your control. Let’s face it, my pitches and submissions may sometimes be flawed. They may lack relevance and resonance, or the message I am struggling to articulate is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe an aspect about my writing style, particularly semicolons, was unacceptable.

The essence is that, regardless of all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve written two books—my first when I was middle-aged, the next, a autobiography, at 65—and over a thousand pieces. My writings have been published in publications large and small, in local, national and global platforms. My debut commentary was published in my twenties—and I have now contributed to many places for half a century.

However, no bestsellers, no book signings at major stores, no appearances on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no honors, no big awards, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can more easily accept rejection at my age, because my, humble successes have softened the blows of my setbacks. I can now be philosophical about it all today.

Valuable Rejection

Setback can be instructive, but only if you pay attention to what it’s indicating. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep seeing denial incorrectly. What lessons have I learned?

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